Me, Myself, and I

So you said that this last post should be about us. Wow. That's hard to do, believe it or not. I don't even quite know what "about you" means. Does it mean... compare God feelings before to now? Is it an evaluation of the class? See where the confusion comes rushing in?

At the end of Hebrew School yesterday (still crying about that), my acting class did an only okay job of performing Twist of Faith, which became through the class, my least favorite play. Ever. Anyway, I found myself thinking something along the lines of, "After a whole year of classes, why wasn't this better?" I thought maybe it was the teacher's fault? Maybe it was the class' general lack of talent's fault? Maybe it was the fact that we were all distracted? Maybe, just maybe, it was E, all of the above, and no one had a choice, but it was supposed to turn out that way.

Fate? Destiny? Ususally I think that kind of stuff is complete crap. Stupidity. Idiocy. I could keep going, but I think I'm good. Anyway. My point is that before I stopped and thought about it, I never had any trouble with the concept that things didn't happen because they were supposed to. It used to be the same with God, I guess, but then I took this class and stopped and thought and now I have these questions that I'm not quite sure I want to answer for myself, but I don't see any other choice: questions like, do I actually believe God exists in that six-year-old bearded guy up in heaven way? Why would God let the Holocaust happen? Just... why? Who? Where? How? This may sound stupid, but in my head this is causing damage.

So I guess this post became about sort of what this class has meant to me. And I'm not going to only say thank you, though I will say it later, but I hope that you appreciate what you've done: you've made me think. And that's not necessarily pleasant.

But...

thank you.